Heartbreak of Drug Abuse

“You are no longer our son, and you are not welcome in our home anymore.” I heard those words come out of my husband’s mouth early one morning. I felt like someone had taken a knife and stabbed me in the heart. One side of me wanted to protect my youngest child, and the other was angry with my husband for saying such harsh words. I was not ready to let go of my only son. I had always made my children my life, and had tried to prepare for the empty nest when the time arrived. No one could have prepared me for this time in our lives.

We had been in this incredibly painful process for the past two years. The three of us had gone through an eight week outpatient drug therapy. At least my husband and I had. We began the program all together but our son had dropped out, and we agreed that we would finish it no matter what he chose to do. During those sessions we learned some tools to help us through this never-ending hell. Al-anon came next and then finally a sixty day inpatient program. We seemed to be taking one step at a time to try to help him and ourselves. The one thing parents always need to remember is, a substance has taken over their child and no matter how hard you try, you can’t control it. Most of the time, they cannot control it either. They have to want this horrible journey to end as much as you do.

On this fateful rainy morning he had only been out of the drug center two days. After his release we put him in a halfway house where they said, “If you use or don’t follow the rules you are kicked out, no second chances.” We had received a call from the house in the wee hours of the morning letting us know he had used once again and was out. I recall both of us crying and laying in our bed. We were each in our own quiet hell not knowing what to do next. We were grateful for all the counseling we had received during both programs we had been in. The main thing we learned was that we had to stick together in whatever decision we had made. Once more we had to do something.

Now as my husband opened the door to our son, I heard those awful words come out of his mouth. He said them quietly and with much disappointment. I wanted to scream, “Wait! We haven’t talked about this yet.“ But in my soul I knew he was right. For all of our sakes this hell had to end. We had tried everything, and the Lord had guided us to the help we had received, but now we had to turn our son completely over to the grace of God. I kissed him goodbye and watched him walk away wondering if I would ever see him again.

This energetic little boy that I spent so much time raising with his curly hair and happy smile was gone. I was grateful he was over eighteen but the pain was like losing a child to death. Each time I went down the picture hallway of our house, I was reminded of much happier times in our lives. I mourned over his loss when I studied his face in the pictures and I would weep until no tears were left.

Drug addiction affects each family member differently. Our older daughter was angry with him. He was ADHD and had always demanded all our attention, time, and energy. She had been the forgotten child and now once again she could see the pain he was creating. Being away at school she worried for our safety, horrified with what could happen. The drug dealers knew where we lived. Many of our possessions were stolen to support his habit. This was a world of unknown to us, and we had only heard or read about it, now we were living in it.

Days and months passed without any contact. We prayed and prayed, and went through the motions of daily life. I went over and over in my head what we had learned through the process of treatments and attended Al-anon meeting for support. I will name a few of the important things we remembered that helped us:

1. Do not allow the, “IF ONLY” to take over your thinking. I know we did the best we could for our son while raising him. NO GUILT TRIPS, it doesn’t help anyone. You did the best you knew how.
2. Make a decision and stick by it! If you say no living in this house while you are using, MEAN IT.
3. Parents need to support each other. Don’t be slipping the kid a twenty in his pocket while he’s walking out the door. You might worry about him not eating but he won’t use it for food anyway.
4. This is not the child you raised. The words out of his or her mouth and their actions are the DRUGS talking. Be angry with that.
5. Know, “You cannot control this DRUG, it is too big.”
6. If what you have tried does not work, do the opposite.
7. PRAY and turn them over. Something has stolen your child and you cannot stop it.