Hope from the Ashes

I kept hearing my voice screaming, “Help Me,” and “Save My Family.” The deafening sounds of the roaring inferno around me were much louder than the sounds of my voice. In this nightmare I was seeing my own skin melting off my arms and legs as I crawled away from my family. They were entrapped in the fiery inferno. I asked myself over and over, “When will I wake up from this nightmare I was in.” After a few days I realized it was not a nightmare at all. My husband, daughter and I had really been in a horrendous motor home accident and I was not dreaming. It was a reality. When I regained consciousness I was informed that my daughter was in a hospital three hours away. My husband was in the burn unit in a room two doors from my own. Thank God they were alive!

Each day I lay in a hospital bed looking out of a window watching the world go on around me. Everyone and everything seemed to be moving, but me. I was trapped inside of a severely burned body and my backbone had been shattered. The pain was like no other in this world. I now understood the term “racked with pain” as my body shook uncontrollably. Tears poured from my eyes continually but my burned arms and hands could not reach to wipe them away. I was imprisoned in a world of the unknown. As I watched the seasons change, I realized my life would never be the same. I was facing the biggest challenge of my 47 years, and I was falling into a deep pit of despair and depression. In the book, “A Gift of Mourning Glories,” Georgia Shaffer describes the darkest time in my life as she writes, “Winter existed both on the inside and outside of me.” For me, there seemed to be no sunshine, and it would be that way for a very long time. My entire life had been full of challenges, and I knew my faith in Jesus had always upheld me in the past. This time I would have to trust and allow him to carry me through this healing and restoring season.

Life became as routine as my care. Encased in bandages from head to toe, my first few weeks consisted of five skin grafts and one surgery to repair my broken back. My stomach, once a place for luscious meals had now become my donor site. Skin was harvested every three to five days, and it was stapled in place. I couldn’t move on those days, and because of the non-movement each muscle forgot how to move. (I literally had to learn to bend my fingers and through much rehabilitation learn to feed and take care of myself again.)

By the grace of God we all lived, but my husband and I were left severely burned. We had along journey ahead of us. My husband lost the left side of his face, his eyesight, and four fingers on his left hand with a nine percent chance of living. Our daughter was severely injured but not burned. She had many fractures including a broken back.

My desires and dreams of making a difference in people’s lives seemed impossible when at this time in my life I could not even take care of myself. I wanted most of all to have something good come out of this tragic incident. The one thing that helped me most during my hospital stay was when a former burn patient came into my room. He shared his story with me and he showed me pictures of when he was in the hospital. Standing before me he looked like a normal person. He did not look at all like the monster I pictured myself. He gave me a spark of hope that everything would be all right someday.

That glimmer of hope carried me through those days and thereafter. I knew my view of life would never be the same but I clung to my faith like never before. I listened to music that helped to lift my spirits. Each time the therapist entered the room I repeated Phil. 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” And each time I repeated the line I felt more hopeful. That hope gave me the strength to recover more each day.

After two months of extreme pain and therapy I was able to take six steps with a nurse on each side of me. I could sit in a chair for an hour at a time. I was learning to feed myself. Emotionally, I still had a hard time, I cried continually, but it was time to go home. Leaving the hospital was another major adjustment.

At that time, I had a breakthrough. I realized there was an even bigger plan for me. My purpose is to touch and inspire people. Anything is possible with faith, hope, and love. That hope and love is expressed from the inside out, but it took something to happen on the outside to help me realize the power of my strength within.

After a year of recovery I was ready to start giving that hope to others. I began visiting burn survivors and their families in the hospital and encouraging them. In the beginning it was very difficult going into the burn unit. The stark white surroundings, the ticking sounds of the machines keeping people alive, and the smells of burned skin. This reminded me of the worst experience and the most painful time in my life.

I believe all things work together for good for those who fit into God’s purpose. During my quiet time in prayer I would often question, “What purpose did this accident play and how do you want me to make a difference because of it?

As time went by I began to realize I had been doubly blessed. This accident did have a purpose. I was a burn survivor, but also a family member of a burn survivor. I could reach many people, because of my experiences. When a family member is injured, it is a family affair and it affects everyone. Not one of us has traveled that road before and we need guidance.

The first year we had many hours of rehabilitation and much pain. The second year I began researching for doctors all over the country to put my husband’s face back together again. It was a miracle that we recovered so well.

As I started meeting more and more burned families my love for them grew much stronger than humanly possible. Each time I would enter a room I would pray for courage and God’s love to show to the patient and their families.

Most severely burned people are unrecognizable in the beginning and many family members have a problem believing it is really there loved one. One father continued running out of 20-year-old daughter’s room crying, “That’s not my daughter.” My heart would break each time he said those words. His young daughter was a firefighter and was caught in a firestorm. The crew believed the fire was out so she took off her fire gear except for her boots, it was at that time the flames roared up again and she was caught in the middle. Knowing her story, I had her father look at her feet. He began weeping uncontrollably. We all walked through that long journey of a difficult recovery hand in hand. This beautiful girl now spends her time traveling to fire stations all through the nation speaking on fire safety to fire fighters. Something good came out of her tragedy.

For the next few years, as I worked alongside patients and their families, our own recovery continued. I was shown little by little the new purpose of my life. My husband was working with a wonderful doctor in Boston to rebuild his face. We were able to support and care for each other.

I felt overcome with emotion each time a new family entered the burn unit. Even though we had traveled the same road it was still hard for me to believe we could live through such a horrible process. My heart would go out to the people that were just beginning. To be burned is the most devastating thing that can happen to a human life. Within seconds our outside appearance can be stripped away. It affects all parts of our humanity: spiritual, physical, intellectual, and emotional. Each part is on malfunction and needs to be rebuilt. Many patients want to die and not have to face the reality of their new life. By my living example, I wanted them to choose life, and I did this through loving them to life!

During the second year of my recovery I met a severely burned black woman. She had been a top surgical nurse who had now lost both of her hands and her face through a house fire. Without hands her profession was gone. She was able to use both her experience as a nurse, and as a trauma victim, to become a trauma counselor. This sounds simple, but try going back to school without hands, and a face that no one will look at. What gives people the incredible ability to go beyond their highest expectations in spite of incredible adversity? They truly believe that nothing is impossible. When you have been through the fire and survived you can do anything. This seems to be true even if you are left with very little physically.

The year after we were injured we learned of an organization called, “The Phoenix Society.” This is an organization formed in 1977 by a burn survivor. It is based in Grand Rapids,Michigan. They help survivors all over the world by donating educational information, medical advice, and support. We gather together sharing a common bond. We meet in a different state every year for four wonderful days to hear special speakers educate us on issues that we all have. I always say, I think this must be a little like heaven. No matter what the outer shell looks like this time is filled with unconditional love.

The first time someone attends there is usually apprehension. I remember our first conference. We entered the hotel lobby that was filled with some extremely burned people. They were laughing and talking and seemed to know each other.

We had never seen such horrible deformity and it scared me to death. Yes, I had been working with patients in the hospital but this was different. Most of these people looked as good as they were going to look, and they seemed very happy. My heart pounded uncontrollably as we entered our room and I did not want to come out. I told my husband, “We don’t belong here.” When we went to dinner that evening we sat at a table of six. They included us in their conversation and asked us about our injuries. As we talked something magical happened. I started to realize that they experienced the same emotions as we did, and before long I no longer noticed their scars. We had all experienced the stares and comments of the people on the outside, but for four days a year we had each other.

Over the past seven years I have worked with 40-50 families. I have spoken at many burn retreats and have been very involved with the World Burn Congress. Each Congress has been special as I watch many of these families get involved and help themselves transcend beyond their circumstances. (That is a term we use, meaning that we are better after the incident than we were before).

Each year I meet some new special people that felt as I did in the beginning. They felt as if they were dead when they arrived, and by the end of the congress they were reborn. Many old acquaintances are renewed. It is hard for me to explain the joy and pride I feel to see young people that I watched struggle for their lives in the beginning, bloom into strong, beautiful people. I listen to their accomplishments, and no matter what, they overcame their obstacles. The tears roll down my cheeks with the feeling of pride. I am so proud that they chose to take an insurmountable situation and turn it into something good. They wear their scars as a badge of courage.

Today my life is fuller than I could ever imagine. My husband, daughter and I are completely healed. I am grateful for every part of the changes it took to make me the woman I am. Without this experience I would not have met some of the greatest and bravest over-comers on this earth.

My purpose is to give inspiration not only to people disabled by accidents and struggling to lead some kind of a normal life, but to all of us that have suffered setbacks in our lives. We feel that fate has treated us unfairly but still believe that we can make something of our lives if we only knew how. I did learn how, and I am grateful I can share it with others

I have run across some incredible people that have taught me what I haven’t known before, generosity, humility, and concern for others. I pray for God’s love to shine through me so others will be inspired and choose life!

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